Boomer and Bandit here; we’ve taken over the page today. We’ve decided that since our Woman Servant writes about us almost every day we should just show a little Gatotude Gratitude and help her today. Also we would like to dispel some rumours circulating about us. Gossip is a horrible thing so let’s just set the record straight.
First yes it’s true, we have both had the snip, snip. In a country where it is common to see both feline and canine with their cojones hanging all over the place we have made the ultimate sacrifice. At first when we were asked if we wanted to do our part to keep the gato population of our town in check we balked and grabbed our cojones. But common sense prevailed because we saw how many less fortunate gatos there were outside our front window. The other reason is that it’s a lot of work keeping up with the local gatos. Hanging out with that bunch means roaming around all night singing and to tell you the truth like the Woman Servant we aren’t very good at the whole singing thing. Although Boomer has a nice bass tone and Bandit has a nice alto…
Second it’s not true that the Man Servant wanted us just so he could buy cool cat toys. Well, come to think of it he did get that big yellow thing that flies around the yard but he’s not very good at controlling it. I think the Woman Servant calls it a remote-controlled helicopter. She sure gets mad at him when he plays in the house with it but we’re not so sure we want it in the gatio either. It does entertain us but we can never get near enough to catch it and eat it.
Third yes, unfortunately it is true we are born performers. We each have our own unique, quirky personality that is genetically imprinted. We love boxes and bedcovers. We especially love bedcovers if there are toes underneath them to chew on. We also love leaping after flying things in the gatio, after all it keeps us in shape. And we like hiding underneath plants to leap up and surprise the servants. And when we see other canine or felines on the other side of the gatio we puff up our tails merely for entertainment. Really.
Fourth it’s not true that Bandit was trying to run away from home. (See number one about cavorting with other gatos being too much work; and didn’t you just read number three?) Bandit admits that climbing the alambrada was just to entertain the Woman Servant and it sounded like a good idea at the time. It seemed that the Man Servant was not amused with Bandit trying to push his boundaries. We just like to climb up on high things, the cabinet, the specialized gato tree, the thing that is called the beverage fridge. We are low to the ground, we like to see things from a different perspective.
Fifth, yes it’s true that it never gets old seeing the funny things your servants will do to entertain their friends. Our brother and sister’s servants were over yesterday and christened the new gatio “Gatonamo Bay”. What this is we don’t know, we only know that it has something to do with a place in Cuba that is spelled differently. The El Gordo servant kept on talking about the Man Servant having tanks and such patrolling the perimeter of the gatio. We’re not sure how amused the Man Servant was.
Sixth, yes it true we are murderers. We have lost our taste for feathers, hey it was only once! We have taken it upon ourselves to protect the servants from all things that creep and crawl and sometimes fly into the gatio or la casa. If this means that a lizard or a moth must be sacrificed then call us murderers. We have also tracked down scorpions but we know enough to just sit and watch them until the Man Servant can dispatch them. We are also great fly catchers and we won’t brag about how many geckos have met our wrath once they enter la casa.
Seventh, it’s not true that we are cuddle muffins. No, we simply have itches once in a while and it is deemed more suitable to climb on a servant’s lap to have it scratched than try to reach it on our own. The purring is just to keep the servants happy so they will keep the kibble in our dish and the poop box clean.
Eighth, yes, it’s true we are snoops. We both follow the Woman Servant around because we are curious about what she is doing. We like to keep her company by talking to her the whole time. She doesn’t seem to mind it when we follow her into the bathroom even when she is showering. We also like to patrol the shower stall when she turns the water off just to make sure that there is nothing that she washed off that is moving. As murderers we may need to eliminate it.
Ninth, yes it is true we are perfectionists. This is the reason we like to supervise the servants when they are cleaning our poop box or making the bed. We often have to test the cleanliness of the poop box before the cleaning ceases. When we climb under the covers while the servants are making the bed it is what we call “Quality Control”, QC for short. And we have to say, sometimes it’s a big fail on the bed making and it must be redone. After all this is where we take the majority of our naps.
Finally, number ten. We want to dispel the rumour that any of you have heard that we like to cross dress. Yes it’s true we aspire to wear the Man Servant’s flip flops every once in a while but we have never tried on the Woman Servant’s flip flops. Hers just don’t smell as interesting. And no, unlike some of those poofter gatos in other countries we do not wear clothes…it’s just too darn hot here!